Which Republican Candidate Has The Largest Pole Numbers?

Photo by: ABC NewsPhoto by: ABC News

Donald Trump fired back at Marco Rubio’s suggestion that he had a small… manhood, on Thursday. Trump assured us that there was “no problem” with the size of his hands — or anything else.

So according to science and statistics, which candidate is likely to be leading in this pole? We took a look at statistical averages and other traits that have been used to predict “size.” Here is how the candidates stack up!


Ethnicity: Average Size Based On Country

Marco Rubio: Marco is Cuban, Cubans on average have packages measuring 6.2”. (+4)

John Kasich: The Governor’s father was of Czech decent and his mother was of Croatian decent. According to studies the average Czech male is 6.3” and the average Croatian male is 5.8”, this gives him an average of 6.05” (+3)

Ted Cruz: Ted is half Cuban (6.2”) but also half Canadian (5.5”) giving him an average of 5.85” (+2)

Donald Trump: Trump’s Father is of German decent and Mother is of Scottish. According to studies the Scottish come in around 5.5” and Germans at 5.7” giving him an average of 5.6” (+1)

Photo by: BroBible

Photo by: BroBible





State: State Ranks by Size


John Kasich: Ohio #6 (+4)

Donald Trump: New York #9 (+3)

Marco Rubio: Florida #16 (+2)

Ted Cruz: Texas #41 (+1)


Photo by: Newsfeed.Time

Photo by: Newsfeed.Time





A study of American men found that there was a correlation between height and penis size, Very tall men are 3x more likely to have a large penis, and very short men are 3x more likely to have a small penis

Trump: 6’3’’ (+4)

Rubio: 5’10’’ (+3)

Cruz: 5’10’’ (+3)

Kasich: 5’9’’ (+2)


Photo by: EnkiVilliage

Photo by: EnkiVilliage






Big Ears

A new study by Benkei Akera at the University of Tokyo found that men with big ears also may have a larger predisposition to a larger penis. Lead Researcher Benkei Akera theorizes that larger extremities helped our ancestors keep cool in the hot savanna by increasing our surface area.

 Rubio (+1)

Photo by: ViaTwitter

Photo by: ViaTwitter





Based on Freud and ego defense mechanisms. In order to protect their ego, people will take a perceived weakness and ‘re-balance’ it with a perceived strength. Since phallus size is often associated with ego strength and power, erecting large building with your name on them might be seen as a form of compensation.

Self-Named Phallic Towers: Trump (-1)

Photo by: MillieFine

Photo by: MillieFine




Fingers: There actually is a correlation between hands and penis size according to studies. If a man has a shorter index finger than ring finger he is more likely to have a smaller penis. Looks like all candidates have longer index fingers or pretty close to even. So this one is really a wash. No points are awarded. But please don’t take our word for it:








Final Scientific* Results:


*Not actually scientific or important.